The Many Emotions of Phil Coulson
by Ashlockley
Summary: Phil Coulson had emotions, just like the rest of the world. He just preferred not to tell everyone about them, with only one exception. Maria Hill. One - Surprise Coulson hated surprises. Fact. But that changed with a little help from a certain someone.


**Surprises**

**Chapter One**

There were rumors about them.

The top agent and the Deputy Director, together, in a secret relationship.

And the most ridiculous thing was that people actually believed it.

Coulson only found out what public opinion was when he overheard a not-so-subtle conversation between two communication techs in the mess as he arrived to pick up his breakfast in the morning, and was pleasantly surprised when they got onto discussing the apparent details of their relationship. And needless to say, he wasn't often surprised.

What on earth made people think there was something between them? Coulson was stumped by that question. Whilst it was true that they had been partners for several years until Fury promoted her to his second-in-command, it was most certainly _not_ true that they were engaged in a "forbidden, madly passionate love affair". He and Hill were simply colleagues and good friends. Nothing more.

However, he had to concede that she was a very beautiful woman. The features of her face were incredibly striking and her slim, feminine figure was a sight to behold. In fact, the first time they met, he actually felt a little attracted to her.

But that was the past, and he'd let those feelings drift away. That was for the best.

But he couldn't help but ponder over that question as he typed up the mission report for the debacle in Budapest, courtesy of Barton and Romanov, and his mind began to wander. Hill and he were close - much closer than most partners in SHIELD, with the exception of the two master assassins - but there was never any sort of sexual tension between them that was present between Widow and Hawkeye. So why did people think of them as a couple?

Perhaps it was that one-off stupid kiss when both of them were beyond smashed under the mistletoe during last year's Christmas party, which Fury had granted them on the condition there would not be any unwanted surprises left at his door - the year before someone exploded a confetti ball over the director's head as he stepped out of his office, and it was suffice to say that Fury was not happy. In fact, he had gone on to ban all festivities and sat in his office grumbling about "stupid-ass morons" throughout the entire Christmas period.

Or perhaps it was that present he gave her for her last birthday. A pair of expensive red heels she had worn on assignment once and was reluctant to hand back after she was finished. Coulson had recognised the look in her eyes and spent a portion of his monthly salary to purchase a brand new pair of those shoes for her, and was glad to see the way her face lit up when she opened the giftwrapped box and gasped in delight. He didn't tell her how much he'd spent on them, as he knew she would disapprove and probably refund them to give him back his money, and opted to tell her he'd managed to secure them during a mission. She rolled her eyes at him nonetheless, but gave him a grateful hug and a whispered thank you.

A loud bleep jerked him from his thoughts and he accidentally spilled his coffee all over the table, soaking and staining most of his files. He frowned. That was the second time he had been surprised during the day, and he was not a great fan of Phil Coulson surprised.

It was Fury, calling for the Budapest mission file which he should have received a couple of hours ago, and Coulson nearly choked when he saw that he had been daydreaming for two hours.

Third surprise.

And the third time was most definitely not the charm.

As he made his way through the base, he ignored the stares he would receive and the hushed whispers and smirks some of the younger male agents would give him. He swore that even Fury had a twinkle in his eye as he handed him his completed report, and certainly did not appreciate the look Fury's PA, a newly promoted Agent Carter, gave him as he exited.

He was sitting in his office checking up on the situation developing with another one of his pet peeves - Tony Stark - when someone knocked on his door and growled his name in such a way that if he had been a lesser man he would have quailed in fear. But as such, he merely called for them to enter and kept his attention on his computer screen as the door opened.

It really would have been a good idea to have been looking at the door instead, as he was completely blindsided by one hand of the intruder pulling him up by the front of his shirt and the other curled up into a fist and cocked back in preparation for a nasty punch. He kept his features nonchalant as he smiled at his attacker and pressed save on his document with his free hand.

Fourth surprise. And a terrifying one at that.

"Good afternoon, Deputy Director Hill. What can I do for you?"

Her cobalt blue eyes were livid as she growled in rage and threw him backwards into his chair, and slammed her fists onto his desk. "You went over the line, Coulson! I have had it with your fucking rumor! I have spent all day listening to the piece-of-shit jock assheads mouth off about me behind my back, and I can't even go into the mess without anyone sniggering about me and my "Coul-pie". So I'm warning you now, tell everyone it's all bullshit or I won't hesitate to bust your face in, you understand?"

"Hill. You really think this was me?"

She was breathing rapidly, all hopped up on anger and adrenaline and obviously not thinking as straight as she should be. He walked around the desk to place her a reassuring hand on her shoulder and she deflated, sinking into a chair and burying her face into her hands.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled through her hands. "I may have… overreacted. Hope I didn't ruin the shirt."

"Well, it's torn, but I've been meaning to get a new one." Coulson poured a mug of steaming black coffee out for her and leaned against his desk casually as she sipped on it. "I can assure you, Maria, I had nothing to do with this. I want to find whoever did as much as you do."

She smiled gratefully back at him, her temper abated and her eyes back to their usual, calm ocean blue. "Thank you, Phil. It's just… you know how hard I worked for this. Having this stupid gossip flying around isn't making my job any easier."

"I understand. And I'll have a word with Fury. See whether we can get those recruits of yours some extra night patrol duties."

Maria flashed him a small smile as she placed her mug down and got up. "Thanks again. I've got to go, Fury wants me monitoring the situation with Banner and his big green alter-ego. Talk later?"

"Of course." As she was just about to leave, he raised his hand slightly to stop her. "Just one more thing. Why did you think it was me who started the rumor?"

It could have just been him or a trick of the light, but Coulson could swear that her cheeks became a little rosier and her eyes didn't quite meet his as she answered. "Uh, no reason. Gotta go, Coulson, bye!"

As the door slammed shut behind her, he could not help but feel that he was missing some crucial point. Something really, really, _really_ important.

He hated being in the dark nearly as much as being surprised. And that was saying something.

Coulson shook his head to dismiss the annoying nagging feeling and began to type an email to Fury, requesting extra shifts for certain agents under Hill's mentoring and specifically mentioning that they should be stationed at posts on the lowest underground levels of the compound. His mouth twitched into a smile as he pressed send.

That would teach the insubordinate little bastards.

Hours later his phone rang, disturbing him from his daily pilates practice, and he eased out a few knots in his back before reaching for it and answering the call. It was Stark's PA, Miss Potts, requesting urgently that he come to pick her up from Stark Industries' offices in California and without a second lost, he was out of the door and heading to the garage, assembling his usual team for immediate dispatch.

A couple of hours later Coulson was cursing his luck as he dived for cover from a rampaging giant metal robot suit which proceeded to send his lieutenant flying across the room and into a pipe with a sickening crunch. Fury had called him only seconds before the robot tore through his team to tell him with shock evident in his voice that Stane had schematics for a much larger version of Stark's armor and he needed to get the hell out of there. It was too late to get out but he had been lucky enough not to have been in the immediate line of fire and was able to stay out of harm's way and call for backup.

Fifth and perhaps the most unwelcome of the day's surprises.

He could see Stane chasing after Potts, smashing through agent and machinery alike, and scrabbled to his feet. His gun lay several feet away where it had been dislodged from his grasp as he leapt for safety, and he rushed over to pick it up and swivelled around onto his knee to open fire.

The bullets bounced harmlessly off the thick plating of the armor, but it was enough to attract Stane's attention to him and he kept his calm as he threw himself to the side, the swathe of chaingun fire missing him by a hair's breadth.

Coulson could see that there was practically no way out. Baseline was that he was probably facing his death, barring any miracle of God or intervention from Stark in his armor, and he would use whatever time he had left to say goodbye to his friends and family.

He found himself somehow proud of how calmly he was acting considering the circumstances. Perhaps it was because it was hardly a surprise to him at all that he would probably go out doing his job, going out bravely and without trepidation, instead of peacefully at a ripe old age surrounded by his loved ones.

Death. Not a surprise. How ironic.

At that moment, he knew who he wanted to call.

He pressed speed-dial 1 on his phone.

She picked up instantly, as usual, her tone light and playful as she answered, but the levity soon drained from her when she heard the thrumming pounding of bullets against metal and his impossibly calm voice. He could almost hear the tears forming in her eyes as he told her about his situation and what it meant, and she couldn't do anything but cry quietly as she curled up into a ball on her bed. She listened as he told her to call his parents and tell them he loved them very much and that he had died doing his duty to his country. She listened as he told her to tell Fury it had been an honor to have served with him. She listened as he told her to tell Barton and Romanov that despite all their negligences of his orders, he admired them both as agents and people.

But it broke her heart when he told her not to cry. She felt it crack as he whispered quietly that it had been the greatest honor of his life to have been her partner, and his unbelievable luck to have been her friend. She felt it shatter as he told her that she was probably one of the best people he had ever known in his life.

"You- you goddamned b-bastard…" she choked out, her voice thick and hoarse from grief. "Y-you can't- you can't-"

"Please. Maria. Just listen."

There was silence from the other end, besides the occasional sob, and he continued.

"I know you're going to take this hard. But I don't want you to crash. You may want to, but it shouldn't happen. SHIELD needs you to keep it running and you'll damn well keep at it if that's the only thing you'll do for me."

"Phil, I- I-" She let a particularly loud sob escape from her lips. "I- I'm going to do everything you asked. But I need to tell you- I need to say- I've always-"

The line was cut by a thunderous crash before she was able to finish the sentence, and she lay there, frozen rigid as blank static buzzed in her ears. Tears dripped freely from her bloodshot eyes and she moaned pitifully into a pillow as she let the pain overwhelm her.

She had always liked him. But it had only been when she heard the rumors when she finally realised she loved him.

Maria Hill loved that surprise.

And now it was one she would never get to share.

The next day came and her absence was immediately noticed, but everyone knew not to ask questions - the last time they'd tried to pry into her life both her and Coulson had made life hell for them through extra shifts and handling particularly aggravating assets.

But Fury knew better. He'd heard nothing from Coulson since the night before and in this line of work, he knew what it meant. And he knew that Hill had an affection for Coulson that was far beyond the realms of a platonic relationship, and he had heard all the rumors. He knew Hill wasn't sick as she said she was. She was crying her eyes out in her quarters.

Telling Agent Carter to hold his calls, he made his way to the dormitory block and rapped his knuckles on her door, and heard sniffling from inside as she shuffled to the door. It slid open and he almost winced at the state she was in.

She was a complete wreck. Her hair had fallen messily out of its bun and tufts of it were sticking out weirdly, and her eyes were puffy and swollen from her crying. She wasn't wearing much either, and the tank top and sweatpants she was wearing were tearstained and torn.

She avoided his gaze as she addressed him shakily. "Director."

"Hill. Let's talk."

"I-I'm ill. Can it wait?"

"I know this is about Coulson."

Her face froze at the mention of his name, and he could feel her pain and anguish practically radiating from her. She let him in slowly and he could see that her room was in shambles like her.

"How?"

"I checked his call log. Last call was to you."

"He called me to tell me he was going to die." Maria was on the verge of bursting into tears again. "He told me he thought I was one of the best people he knew. He told me… he told me so much."

"You never told him about… your feelings, did you?"

She choked back a sob. "No."

"Phil Coulson was a good agent, and an even better man to fall in love with. I'm truly sorry you never got to tell him any of that."

Maria sat down weakly on her bed, looking and feeling more vulnerable than she had ever been in her life. She knew that loving him would either be the best thing or the worst thing that would happen in her life, but she just didn't expect it to be the latter. She'd always thought that there would be time, more time to make him understand how she felt, but now she knew it was impossible. There was no time left.

Fury's phone buzzed and he gave her an apologetic look before answering the call.

"Agent Carter, did I not very specifically tell you to- what? Stark's- that complete sonuvabitch!"

She glanced upwards to see a smile on Fury's face and a twinge of hope rose from her misery. "What is it?"

"That jackass Stark's had Coulson in surgery for the last twelve hours! He's alive!"

Now that was one surprise Maria would treasure for the rest of her life.

He woke up in a brightly lit room with an IV line going into his arm and thick bandages wrapped around both his chest and head, and thanked whichever doctor who had drugged him up enough not to feel any pain. He groaned woozily and tried to move, only for a pair of delicate hands push him gently back into bed and a voice to softly chastise him for possibly making things worse for himself.

It was her.

Maria. He remembered calling her, sure of the fact that death was just around the corner, and comforting her as she sobbed. He remembered her trying to tell him something before- well, he heard a crash behind him, and that was the last thing he could recall. He coughed to disguise the surprised rattle that would have come from his throat, and lay back on the pillow.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"W-where am I?"

"Stark's private room at New York Mercy. You've been in surgery for the last twelve hours."

"Stark… I was at Stark Industries. With that giant armor suit. And I was…" he trailed off, not wanting to dredge up anything which would make her feel more miserable. "What happened?"

"Stark-" she began, only to be cut off by a loud cough from the doorway. There was a bunch of the most godawfully garish flowers in the world, and they moved a little to the side to reveal the nonchalant face of the billionaire to whom he owed his life.

"Hi there, Coulson and his lovely lady friend. Thought I'd drop by to say hello after, y'know, saving your life from a nutjob with a superiority complex."

"And how's that so different from you?" Coulson asked with a small smile on his lips.

Stark made an attempt at looking hurt as he placed the flowers by the bed and retrieved a small box from his coat pocket, which he placed on the small table by the flowers. "Ouch, G-Man, that one stung. Anyways, I got you a little something as a thank you. Nothing fancy, just a super smart-phone I built in my spare time, but you get it."

"What's it for?"

"Well, Pepper told me how you drew Stane away from her in the basement levels and let's face it, no matter what she says about being a champion sprinter, she would have been…" His face clouded momentarily, but cleared when he cleared his throat and began to speak again. "You saved her life, Coulson, and you were willing to sacrifice yourself to do it. I don't know anyone who would've done the same. Besides Rhodey, that is. But I owe you, Coulson. Thank you."

"Just doing my job. But thank you, Stark." He nodded towards the vase of flowers. "They're nice flowers."

"Aren't they? And Pepper said they were, what did she say? "Disgustingly horrible"? Pfft. I think I know a thing or two about flowers." Stark clicked his fingers and reached into his pocket, fumbling around and retrieving a pack of speech cards which he tossed over to Maria

"Yeah, Deputy Director? I didn't use those cards."

Maria's eyes narrowed threateningly. "Now's not a good time to be screwing with me, Stark."

"Nah, I'm not screwing with you right now. But maybe later? After dinner at the best restaurant on the West Coast?"

"Careful, Stark. Stay away from her," Coulson warned from his bed. "I'm grateful for you getting me to hospital, but not enough that I won't shoot you when I get my gun back."

"Ah, I see…" The billionaire grinned toothily at the two of them. "He's a protective boyfriend, isn't he?"

"He's not-"

"I'm not-"

Their gazes met, and the words died in their mouths. Stark gave a low whistle and began to inch out of the room. "Seems like this room's chock full of sexual tension, and I would stay for the party, but I'm not comfortable with Coulson, y'know? But Maria, if you're ever free, gimme a call-"

"Fuck off, Stark," she hissed, shooting him a venomous look Coulson recognised as her death glare. Many an intern had balked under such a stare and run for their lives, never to be seen on base again.

To his credit, Stark wasn't even fazed as he gave her a very lewd wink and exited answering his ringing mobile. "Hi, Pepper, how are yo- oww! Watch it! Stop shouting! Do we really have to do this right now?"

His voice died away as he disappeared down the hall, and the tension in the room was thick enough to slice through. He glanced over at her, and saw that her eyes were brimming with tears and her fists were clenched so hard that they had gone white.

"Maria. Are you okay?"

"No," she whispered quietly. "You say we're friends, but I don't know what to think. I mean, you called _me _when you were about to die. Not your parents, but _me_. And I know what I said about those rumors, but I- I- god damn it, Phil!"

She leapt up from where she sat and paced back and forth inside the hospital room, and he swallowed hard. The conversation was going somewhere that he was afraid to go. Emotions were too erratic for his liking.

Too surprising.

Maria stopped pacing and sat right beside him, and her hand found his, grasping on tightly as if she was afraid that he would slip away again.

"Phil, you've been very good to me. Much better than all those jerkbags I have to deal with everyday back at base. And I'm fine with being friends, but I- I need to know."

Her voice was trembling with fear. He had never seen her so open to him, so vulnerable, and it made something in him hurt as well to see her like that, so terrified that he would rip her heart apart with the next words he said.

He reached out to touch her cheek, which was wet with tears, and stroked his fingers against her soft, peachy skin. "Maria, I think you know what my answer is."

His hand cupped her cheek as she bent down slowly, her eyes fluttering shut as their lips met for the first time – that Christmas one didn't count – and she felt her heart skip several beats. He felt his heart pounding inside his chest, and didn't even mind the ache it caused.

This was one surprise that both Hill and Coulson could get used to.

"Well, isn't that lovely?" a voice cooed from the door.

"Fuck off, Stark!" botth of them yelled simultaneously.

Silence.

"Yeesh. Hormonal much?"


End file.
